Pro-tip: Do not read the comment section of any local papers covering this arrest.

I kinda want one of those. It would go great with my Nirvana t-shirt

Doctor: You have N stage lung cancer.

She’s gonna be all like:

“Texas Football” is acquiring the same status as “Florida Man.”

Its funny cos I was LISTENING to The Doors at the time, and if I was not still friends with one of the housemates who can verify the story, I would honestly think I had smoked too much weed that day and had entered a spiritual realm where my desire to connect with Jim Morrison was actualised by a real lizard.

Now THAT sounds like the Lizard King. He can do anything, you know.

When I was 4 or 5, I accidentally wandered into a hornet’s nest one late September/early October. It was apparently a point where they were active enough to cling to me, but not active enough to go into a stinging frenzy. So I walked home, called “Mommy? Daddy? H-help?” while covered in hornets. Mom nearly fainted;…

Thank you.

Your grandparents sound awesome!! I love cute science couple love.

Not me, but my sister was eating a can of soup and she was eating the rice at the bottom and looking at the can, and then she realized there wasn't supposed to be rice in the soup. On closer inspection, it was maggots. The worst part was that she said she thoroughly enjoyed them.

I’ve told this story somewhere here before and people were horrified, so here goes. Given where I live I have many, many horrible stories about bugs/spiders but this was the worst experience. I was walking out to my car at 6am to go to work, texting a friend of mine (hint, never text and walk), when I walked in to a…

Its not a bug, its a lizard.

I give you the dog bun.

Nope. I love a man bun. Men with long hair just do it for me and if they want to put it in a bun, I’ll be into that too. Awooooga.

Football is basically organized child abuse.

Judging by my lack of an arrest record, not drunk enough.

Just like the boobs on Fox, this one, too, is lily-white and far to the right.