But he uses semicolons correctly, so he’s got a leg up on like 95 percent of us.

The closest I was with was probably [Tom] Brady [and] whom I love to death

Based on the letter I would be a lot more terrified to be Tom Brady than Bob Kraft

Evidently the last person who told him not to write outside of the margins got stabbed with a Bic pen.

I mean really. Where are these kids values today.

I had the same thought. I have 2 friends who could count on me to help bury a body. But a CHILD’S BODY??!! I’d probably call the cops on their ass.

Get ready for a week long conversation about What Your Kids Are Doing On The Internet. I bet Chris Hansen’s media schedule is booked until next Tuesday.

Once you get to the point of “murdered a thirteen year old girl” I don’t think it matters whether it’s federal crime or not anymore. You’re probably going away forever.

How on earth do you convince someone to help you stash the body of a 13 year old girl?

I don’t have any friends. Stop making assumptions, dipshit.

Thanks for getting the obligatory reference to your fantasy football team that nobody gives a crap about out of the way.

Seriously, nobody cares about your fantasy team except for you and your friends all roll their eyes when you talk about it

Johnson technically is not allowed to retire. He is locked into a two year contract on my fantasy football team and you better believe I will take him to court if he refuses to play.

Beef’s gonna be way more heated when Kevin Durant is a Warrior next season. ;)

To be fair, even if Hinkie got the meeting, he was just going to trade it for a couple of meetings in 2019.

Well, when it comes to Washington and violence with soccer players, there is always Hope.

Is it just me, or are there like 5 different teams playing at once?

Wouldn’t the teams you beat have been worse?

So this is why South Ossetia wants to secede.

I never thought I’d say this, but I finally found a team worse than our intramural squad in grad school. And we won the league.