Sssshhhhhh you’re making too much sense

“The bar does not seem to be on the roof of the airplane, but the plane itself will fly above all roofs.”

I’d tap water.

That you just threw out that you made a conscious decision to go to Hooters like it is no big deal is what frightens me the most about your comment.

A more appropriate quote from that movie...

I’m so boring that I like to pretend that absolutely all celebrity feuds are completely made up and the stars get together and laugh at how wrapped up people get in other people’s conflicts. Like in my head right now Nicki Minaj and Remy Ma are sharing popcorn in one of their home theaters and watching property…

I would estimate conservatively that 25% of my usable kitchen cabinet space is occupied by kids’ water bottles. Of those water bottles, maybe 15 - 20% are actively being used. It makes me bonkers. The other day, I pulled out a sliding shelf to get at some tupperware and about 8 water bottles fell back behind the…

Not even if you have a timeshare in Muncie?

Really good look at Schur’s shows. He’s one of the people in TV that I’m going to give anything he does a shot, and be willing to stick around if it doesn’t click immediately, because of his track record.

“Needless to say, we know who won’t be playing the next James Bond: that crew guy right behind Elliott’s shoulder.”

If you tuck in your Hawaiian shirt you should be kicked out of anywhere you go.

15 PATRIOTIC completions on 27 ‘MURICA attempts for 99 BLUE LIVES MATTERS yards

Isn’t that what you do with fancy dogs?

The song of life.

Feinberg

“Hey, I have a lot of black friends. Exactly four.”

I’m not saying he’s fat. I’m saying he’s specifically paid a bonus to be not fat.

I Truly Madly Deeply enjoy this reference.

Actually the jerk spot becomes an independent coffee house, where a cup of black coffee costs 7.00 because part of their pre roasting process involves going  to africa and kidnapping a small animal and force feeding it coffee beans all day, but it can’t really digest the beans, so when they animal shits out the beans…

If you are a 17 year old boy they accelerate faster than the space shuttle. You just have to believe.