Wait, the Josh Brolin part is confusing me. We all know he’s kidding, right? And that he’s making fun of the same thing we all made fun of last week, right here on Jezebel?

So of all the things to potentially bug me (why does he travel through space as well as time, how can he understand modern English, how can he read...anything) for some reason the one that bothered me most is how he could bake with modern yeast. Medieval bread would have been baked using starters and wild yeast, and…

Shelter Cat Update!

We haven’t even won the war on Christmas yet, and you want to expand into Thanksgiving.

I will say he looks fine in that wetsuit. I think the best revenge would be to get as ripped as Chris and then get as many thirst trap shirtless paparazzi pictures taken as possible. Do it Liam, I dare you.

Yeah, that’s definitely a picture of a sunbathing asshole.

Shelter Catstravaganza!

Good for Beck for getting out, but it’s silly for him to pretend like we were all just imagining him being a Scientologist when he explicitly said he was in a 2005 interview.

“Goddamn, what’d I do to deserve that??!”

What’s with all the people complaining about the Dirt Bag not being about politics lately? The Dirt Bag is not supposed to be about politics, it’s a round up of celebrity gossip. It’s been that forever, it’s one of the few consistent things about this collection of blogs. Many if us appreciate the distraction and look…

Literally all I could think of reading this. 

This is another reason I decline all MLM party invitations. I refuse to encourage my friend’s delusion that she’s growing a business or ever going to make money. I don’t want to be part of a scheme that is ultimately using rather than benefitting her.

The Barf Bag is on a minor hiatus while we fold in our awesome new staff writers and reconfigure it to the election! It will be back soon.

Dirt Bag is an institution, you uncultured swine!

To the “special” person who, and I kid you not Jezzies, created 39 BURNER ACCOUNTS in the space of a few hours and followed me on all of them for the sole purpose of calling me “cunt” and “bitch” about 7000 times over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Shelter Cat Update!

The Real Sisterwives of Salt Lake City might be more interesting. I mean this could be done using only one family.

She looks like Barbie And The Rockers’ quaalude dealer.