I’m not put off by raspberries being that color, but I would not eat those strawberries. Strawberries are supposed to be red.

Fuck you McDonald’s, PANEER SANDWICH NOW OR GTFO!

citation needed

Am I the only person who doesn’t care about Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper? Is it because I refused to watch “A Star is Born"? 

One of my co-workers was walking down a San Francisco street when she tripped and nearly fell into a row of motorcycles. In that weird time slowing thing that happens in crisis moments, imagining the wave of tumbling bikes as she fell, an arm reached in and caught her while the other hand grabbed the first bike.

Counterpoint: I do want to be touched by Keanu Reeves.

WHY ARE WE STILL HAVING THIS CONVERSATION???

I highkey really hope Mindy Kaling’s daughter’s dad is BJ Novak.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of my podcast, Things That Are None Of My Fucking Business. 

“Damn son, that watch is dope.”

I think you’re reading too much into an isolated moment. They are wrangling three small children at an event where they know they’re on full display. And I wouldn’t expect them to be beaming at each other constantly like besotted newlyweds at this point. I’d hate to have my public interactions with my husband under…

Oh, Michelle Williams. Your “factory job” that made you a millionaire many times over and gave you your entire career that you could retire from in your thirties and never have to worry about money. I think instead of “factory job” you meant “the luckiest motherfucking thing to happen to me ever and I am so grateful”? 

Has anyone seen Jezebel’s absolutely GOLDEN new header?

In retrospect I'm sure that would have been the better option, but I really don't think a BRIEF conversation across one person is something that needed to be dissected at length. At worst it's impolite. But this is a basketball game, not the opera.

It didn't work for Kim and Kanye

Jezebel stop talking about the beyonce story. The This is a none fucking story. Beyonce didn’t smile while someone leaned over her. This is not a story. STOP.Also, I wish beyonce would call her fans out, they are insane. I don’t think her telling her fans to calm down will stop anything, but her being silent isn’t a…

The BeyHive is the worst. These people need to get lives. I wonder if Beyonce will ever tell them to chill the fuck out? I know it’s nice to have an adoring fan base but geez. They go way overboard. 

It is not news that a close talker did not realize no one likes close talking, nor is it at all surprising that Instagram stans consider death a befitting consequence of momentarily displeasing Beyoncé.

because of the resultant death threats.

Counterpoint: No, he doesn’t. He’s a genuinely good person who is imperfect, like everyone is, but is actually willing to learn and grow.

JE SUIS THAT BITCH