Never trust anyone who speaks in superlatives.

MSU shouldn’t be allowed to have an athletic department anymore. If you fail to maintain a safe environment for your students for more than two decades, you lose the right to participate in college sports.

You see, the crease is lava. And you can’t be in the lava with the ball or you catch on fire. You can be in the lava accidentally without the ball, but you have to leave immediately.

This is precisely why I don’t ever bother reading anything of this sort—including the “How I Work” articles, because it’s all just people who are in a position to call their own shots. It has, literally, zero impact on my life.

He’s Jewish.

“I learned to read!”

Oh come the fuck on. He was obviously going at him to fight. I’m fine with it, but it is what it is. They were never not going to fight because he skated at him and made it obvious. In other words, he instigated the fight after the whistle which is why he was penalized.

A list. Put aside ten minutes before you go grocery shopping and make a list. Literally the easiest thing possible, no “life hacks” needed. Just hang out in your kitchen for ten minutes and think about what you need and then write it down.

HMMMMMM

The police have nothing to go on.

You’re legitimately not breaking that to me. Growing up in Oklahoma, the nexus of faith and football was hard to avoid, as was the undercurrent that most of it was bullshit.

I think the Delaware Fibonaccis could work as a G-League name. Their next iteration will be the sum of their previous ones! Plus you get bonus lines like:

Fingers crossed!

You shut your fucking mouth.

My own goalie slid into my leg and tore my ACL when I was 14. I was on D and called him off the ball so I could slide tackle the opponent who was on a breakaway, but that fat stupid idiot just wouldn’t listen. Slid right into me. Fat, fat idiot

You really going to use Dr J to support the idea that some random tall old dude can dunk? I’m roughly the same age, height, and weight as Usain Bolt. My 100m dash is slightly less impressive.

Why dislike Sidney Crosby? Because he’s a cheapshotting bitch who never stands up for himself, but runs and hides 100% of the time. He disrespects the game and his own skill when he does that.

I like your girlfriend.

Really hasn’t done much since Lethal Weapon 3

This is a terrible take. A stale bag of chips being left on the table can’t potentially kill someone. I’ve heard this argument before, and it’s dumb and wrong.