Our large white german shepherd loved to eat cat shit almost as much as he loved rubbing his face in cat shit. One day while I loaded the car, he snacked on a fresh turd in the yard. He only managed to rub the right side of his face in it before hopping in for a ride. Somehow, all I saw was the clean half of his face…

Who buys 30 pop-tarts? Dog did that family a favor.

Oh god, I’ve totally done the “pull string out of an animal’s butthole” thing. Manx cat and a leather thong necklace. At least he didn’t eat the hunk of jade that was on the thong. :P

I used to take care of my mom’s friend’s/our neighbor’s dog. One time it followed me to the bus stop and stole a kid’s lunch. Another time we had an ice storm and people had no power for weeks so someone had left $100s of dollars of frozen meat in their garage and it stole it all - probably ate some, but buried most…

He doesn’t write nearly as much as he used to. I used to love Page-2-era-Simmons but I actually tried to read something of his recently and I couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s just not 2002 anymore, or if it’s because I know what his voice sounds like now and I was reading it in that voice, but…

It’s my new default voice for anytime someone completely skirts facts and details in favor of vagaries about how great something is. Especially, if they include a huge list of positive adjectives that take longer to say, than if they had just given a straight answer.

Did they pay you to come on?

I don’t give a shit how boring they are, long as they beat the Pens.

Winning’s not boring. I don’t care if my team adopts that strategy if they win. Because then I’m watching hockey in May and not baseball.

Quelle surprise!

+1 ketchup packet

thanks, jokes are better when you analyze the shit out of them.

Erg dammit I meant Google image search. In the playoffs the next year Boston played Wash and the fans plastered Obama cutouts all up against the glass

Just remember, Schilling is worried about trangender men going into bathrooms to molest young girls, but not about wealthy straight men imagining future banging 10-year olds. This man has his priorities straight!

He’s got the right name for it at least.

Timmy, if I recall was more in the Ron Paul/libertarian camp. He did seem smart enough to realize when he was out of his depth in the wake of his snubbing Obama, unlike Schilling.

To be fair, you shouldn’t expect Curt to be 100% mentally there during this interview, what with all the blood coming out of his... whatever.

He doesn’t immediately jump to molesting her. He buys her ice cream first, otherwise that’s rude.

“I don’t immediately jump to molesting her. I wait 10 years. But so we’re clear, I’ve called dibs on that.”