It sounds like decent insurance, but I get anxious that maybe Tesla won’t cover the full spectrum of issues that could come up. I call it “range anxiety.”

I wouldn’t want my first car. Or any of the four or five that came after it. But I wish I still had the ‘06 Element and the ‘04 Pathfinder.

Those are two nice looking mules. My sister, Sara, would like them.

I was shown a similar book of secrets about the 2014 Ram before I bought mine. When I opened it up it just played a sad trombone sound. 

You’re probably thinking of the mandatory Monster Energy sticker. We don’t have to get our cars smog checked, but we do have to submit to random testing for minimum levels of caffeine and B-vitamins. When you pass you get your sticker for the next year. 

I once got approval from the AZ DMV for the license plate 3WAYNE1 by explaining that my favorite sports player was named Wayne and he was number 31. But I chickened out and got something else instead. 

That camo does have sort of a hypnotizing effect. It’s making me feel... like... I don’t care... about long term reliability. I think I want a VW now.

Neutral: BMW X4 xDrive30i. The US version is fine, but in Kazakhstan they get the optional interior package that has a red stripe on the floor mats. Man, that would be sweet.

Get a load of that smug little girl on the dock. “Mummy and daddy are oh so sophisticated.” Shut up, kid. Go pick some more flowers. 

That’s why I post under a pseudonym. Platypus is not my real middle name. Keep it under your hat. 

What about the bitter, middle aged, alcoholic divorcee piloting the bus? Do they also get replaced in this scenario? Because if so, I better start job hunting.

Photographic evidence of Trump making that phone call to China:

Cadillac got turned around so many times, it got dizzy and fell over then never bothered to get back up.

Let’s see them try that on my 2014 Ram.

Let me check the ol’ Nissan HQ webcam... 

Much like Matthew Broderick, who once starred in a Godzilla movie, this thing is aging poorly.

It’s cute and all, but $36,000? Not gonna happen, slim. 

Pictured: Local Nissan dealer closing a sale, circa 2019

Hopefully the space Europeans won’t be colonizing jerks like the earth ones. 

Yes, yes, we know you have a stuffed owl. You use every post as a reason to remind us about your stuffed owl.