My usual suggestion of a Honda Element seems inappropriate this time. 

There’s no ocean deep enough to hide your shame.

What kind of shitty, two-bit operation... 

Jay Leno has done so much to bring denim out of the shadows and into the mainstream. For that, I am forever grateful. 

Dang, I was planning to buy a new VW microbus in 2 years. Guess I better also start saving for this flying car.

A fine choice, deserving of your lofty new title. 

The S2000's and Integras I understand. These... not so much. I had two friends with CRX’s in high school and they were totally cromulent, like a 2-door civic, but nothing special.

The Fit is sooo boring though.

In my extensive new car buying experience, I’ve gotten good deals as a repeat customer of a particular salesperson, but just being a repeat customer of a dealership hasn’t meant jack shit. 

Joke’s on Russia. We told them they were getting Thon Maker. 

I’d keep your kidneys, they’re pretty useful. Personally, I sold my soul for a 50cc dirt bike in 1983. I wouldn’t recommend that either. 

or like most of the shit on LinkedIn.

Love it. Right up there with Rick Simon’s Power Wagon.

Best 1984 truck was Swayze’s Cheyenne stepside in Red Dawn. That’s just science. 

This is a great effort, assuming it’s still 2015. I haven’t looked outside yet this morning.

Mario Kart rules. If I lap you, sure, you can hit me with that red shell, but best believe I’m coming for your ass next round.

Well shit, I’m convinced. My parents might be moving in a couple years and they have a big dresser. If I buy a Super Duty F-250 Limited I will be ready, just in case said dresser doesn’t fit on the moving truck. Always be prepared, I say.

The sensors don’t really bother me. That’s a bitchin’ Camaro, metaphorically speaking.

I fell in love with the supercharger whine in 1998 when a guy in my neighborhood had a Jaguar XJR. I coveted that car like it was his wife.