Ivanka’s his wife. Melania is the personal assistant, I believe.

“I said, did you do it? And he said no, I did not. Absolutely not. I then asked him a second time in a totally different way. He said absolutely not.”

he’s a weak-ass loser.

That is, in fact, the basic formula. I’m rather embarrassed to admit that I have studied this oddly intricate (lack of) style. Strands carefully tucked under others. A number of parts that create volume. He almost certainly had a Scalp Reduction, a cosmetic surgery by which scalp is removed and a new “hairline”…

I imagine it disappears like cotton candy.

It gives the impression of frantically dashing back and forth between two equally unbearable fates.

He’s so out of shape; does he have the muscle power to lift 2 feet of sopping-wet hair-and-fiberglass-extensions and heave it over to the other side of his head? Maybe Ivanka has to come in to help.

It realized it was dangerously close to his face, and decided to make a break for it

Oh wow it’s like the vase/two people image but it makes me want to cry

Imagine how it looks wet. Like, is it 2 feet long on one side and short on the other?

More like Delusional CandyLand

“I asked him, he said no. How much more evidence do you need? Did I mention that he called me a genius again?”

“I said, did you do it? And he said no, I did not. Absolutely not. I then asked him a second time in a totally different way. He said absolutely not.”

I assume it wafts the other way in the Southern Hemisphere?

[Sergeant] Detritus was particularly good when it came to asking questions. He had three basic ones. They were the direct (“Did you do it?”), the persistent (“Are you sure it wasn’t you that done it?”), and the subtle (“It was you what done it, wasn’t it?”). Although they were not the most cunning questions ever…

“lots of character...”

That could be a Craigslist ad for any car.

“The W.H. is functioning perfectly” sounds like a deceptive Craigslist ad for a used 1973 Ford Pinto.

UK Update: