You’d have to work long and hard to make me believe that the entire field of anthropology ISN’T racist, as well as sexist. Every time I look something up I’m freaked out by how even current anthropologists describe it.

Whenever I hear the phrase, “African American gentleman” I know. I just know.

This was written by a space alien who visited the US in 1899.

Worse: If you live in an area with a highly-concentrated hippie population, your doctors start to change, too. They start recommending primrose oil or vitamin levitation or whatever hippie solution that won’t kill you just to pre-emptively shut you up. You have to actively state that you’re only interested in…

Don’t worry about the pants. It’ll be dark.

Can I come to your building’s roof? What city and state?

...with me and my penis directed towards the sun.

Ah! Okay you just won back your street cred. And yes, btw, she was totally into you. She never mentioned this other dude until later... my guess is that she was hoping you’d make the first move and when you didn’t, she decided to be pragmatic and stay with her known quantity. You dodged a bullet.

Okay, I have the best one. I’m white. I asked my black coworker, “Did your mother pick cotton?

Here’s how it went down in my mind:

No. And it’s not a “get to” kind of thing.

There are so many creepy connections between L. Ron Hubbard and stuff that went on in LA in the olden days. Like “Eyes Wide Shut” seems to be based on some orgy cult he belonged to before he decided to get rich off Scientology. And there seems to be some connection between that cult and Black Dahlia. There was this…

I’m struck by what a weird time you both chose for coffee with a coworker. Like, a drink after work on a Friday night has plausible deniability. Or lunch during the week. I might even buy Sunday brunch or hell, a Saturday afternoon cappuccino. But coffee for 3 hours on a Saturday night? You both need lessons in smooth.

My favorite aunt suggested a few months ago that we plan a trip to see it. I booked an airBnB, bought eclipse glasses, and was super, super excited. Then she called back and said my uncle thinks he’s too old and infirm for such a trip. I couldn’t afford the airBnB on my own so I had to cancel. Now I’m still longing to…

Yeah, she knows it sucked for Billie. She’s just saying *she* would love it. As an adult. Not as Carrie’s child who gets dragged there after midnight.

Et tu, Aimee?

When an “o” in “loose” comes loose, then you “lose” it. Now you have the mnemonic. Please don’t ever write something like, “loosing such two huge personalities...” again.

Do no evil. *

*Some restrictions apply.

“We understand that it is never a comfortable position to have a gun pointed at you, regardless of whether especially when it is a police officer,” police said.

I know all the stereotypes but I just sorta think a lot of Canadians are rude. Stuck up and stuffy.

I wanna hear more about “shouldn’t pursue Ivy League educations.” Your brother’s support for his thesis has gotta be all kinds of entertaining.

I’m also guessing mothers are less willing to accept their fate.