Yes, we hack your elections and politicians. Russia world dominance is inevitable.

Joseph: “We’ve been abstaining and you still got pregnant, Mary? JESUS CHRIST!”

Me, um, wait...

My issue with Ireland is that they still don’t allow abortion and you have to go to Britain to get one. Which a true shame, as I love everything about the place. So I focusing on Canadians and hot Scandinavians.

Side note: Married people use contraception too. People act like every woman on the pill is a literal prostitute.

Uh, because people are fucking stupid.

If this is true, I wonder if Comrade Trump will tweet about it like he does for every other business action that takes place these days.

Yes but it’s always better to go with a contractor with experience rather than doing a complicated DIY.

We can burn down our own house, thank you very much.

Surprised that Trump didn’t try to rescue this American manufacturer by threatening to charge an import tax on every Canadian moose crossing the border.

Mine is armed with light, tactical nuclear weapons.

The boy weighed 30 pounds when he was found

Either way, your initial answer works.

I’m starting to build a fort in my backyard. There I will weather this storm.

I’m just waiting to be sent to a concentration camp at this point. Please take care of my dog.

Seriously, this is as good as the recline/don’t recline plane seat debates.

How you going to eat all that popcorn with your mouth shut?

Still better than the belt.

Not necessarily, frequently that ends in sexytimes.

As stated, these are not for circulation. They may as well not even exist. If some brave soul at Treasury managed to get something like this in our pockets, then it’s a story. Until then, it’s not.