I actually wonder if “jumping out of their skins” was a misinterpretation of “squirming with discomfort in case Fallon was gonna do some of his godawful schtick right there in the restaurant”.

He didn’t start running for fuckin’ President—and winning primaries—until 2016. He didn’t openly question Obama’s birth certificate, refer to Mexicans as rapists and murderers, or brag about sexual assault on tape until 2015. I think you’d agree that’s very different.

Now I’m trying to think of a context where “I knew you wanted to say hello” isn’t obnoxious.

It wasn’t the difference in him getting elected, and no one is saying that, ever, on this topic.

“With the money we saved tonight we can splurge and hunt TWO hobos this weekend!”

“And then she had the nerve to tell me her one million dollar horse was as good as my two million dollar horse! How droll! Yes? May I help you?” “I know you folks wanted to come over and say hello, and didn’t, so I’m...buying your dinner!” “Oh my...that certainly is a commendable gesture, young man.”

I once ate next to Jimmy Fallon, not once during my meal did he interrupt my date and I. Once we were finish, I walked straight up to his table, politely thanked him for not disturbing us and tousled his hair.  

Does Snooki look taller in person?

Honestly the only person who could maybe get away with saying that and not have me hating them with a fiery passion is Tom Hanks.

He gave America a normalized Trump

“HONEY! THAT GUY FROM SNL WHO COULDN’T KEEP HIS COMPOSURE IS RIGHT OVER THERE!”

Also, who’s so excited at seeing Jimmy Fallon that they are jumping out of their seats?

I mean, it’s Jimmy Fallon.  His idea of charity is probably giving, like, Kate Hudson a gilded cornhole set.  He’s pretty goddamn vapid and starfucking.

Barring further context “I knew you wanted to say hello” is maybe the most obnoxious thing I can imagine a celebrity saying to me.

You mean other than allegedly raping his daughter, sleeping with and eventually marrying the adopted teenage daughter of his long-term girlfriend, and propositioning Mariel Hemingway when she was a teenager, all while making multiple movies about old men sleeping with barely legal women?

I could happily go the rest of my life without seeing any of his films again.  He’s a vile man, and his work without consequence, to me, at least.  

Soon-Yi isn’t technically his daughter!

Oh I’m sure he did plenty. Anybody who sleeps with his wife’s adopted daughter is not getting the benefit of the doubt from me.

“Not funding Woody Allen’s movie is a violation of his First Amendment rights!”

Fucking finally