If you have woodpeckers pecking at the house itself that means you probably have bugs in the wood, which means you have bigger problems than woodpeckers, unfortunately...

My dad has a wood shake roof, and he had to resort to shooting them with a BB gun. Best to do it real early in the morning when no one is around. It sucks, but the problem was solved.

Years ago I had one of these assholes pecking away at some old-timey asbestos siding. I thought the last laugh was mine until the fucker hired a personal injury lawyer he saw on late night TV.

Don’t be daft. If you’d like, I will spell it out for you.

In what world is Mr. Met ahead of the fucking Raptor? Nobody watches videos/gifs of Mr. Met. Meanwhile, everybody watches these over and over. gtfo.

OK I laughed.

Another Skyline responsible for leaving big skid marks:

I’m sure the Indiana Dairy Association wouldn’t like it very much.

Ya know, if a backup catcher from Chicago was going to get unreasonably famous, it should have been Ron Karkovice.

The Cardinals lost their 20th game.

Doesn’t mean the circumstances of his death are suspicious, you stupid fuck.

Bass? Dropped.

“animal rights activists were furious”

I’m more outraged by the concern-trolling tweet than I am that photo

Are the people outraged about this outraged over fishing in general? Otherwise, it seems a little weird to be upset about potentially humiliating a dead fish. I respect animal rights activists, particularly vegans who actually practice what they preach, but I’m a little confused here.

DEREK JETER PLAYED IN 3 GAMES IN NOVEMBER, DURING WHICH TIME THE YANKEES WENT 1-2 AND HE WENT 2/11 FROM THE PLATE WITH FOUR STRIKEOUTS. MR. NOVEMBER WAS CONTRIVED BEFORE THE GODDAMN WORLD SERIES AND IT IS A MONIKER THAT BELONGS TO LUIS GONZALEZ AND LUIS GONZALEZ ONLY. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. DON’T MAKE ME YELL ON THE…

I’ll bet he feels like a real OsKiermaier weiner.

I am so fucking pissed at Comey and his arrogant stupidity.

The way the most diehard Democrat dingbats have flipped their opinions on Comey and the FBI basically every time he is in the news is funny, at least. He was installed by Obama and exonerated Clinton, he’s good! Oh no, he told Congress he was reopening the investigation, he’s bad! But hey, he’s investigating Trump…

Either the blades are getting old, or they have something built up on them that is interrupting how they glide across the windshield (like tree sap, pollen gunk, road grime, etc.). Get some rubbing alcohol on a rag and wipe them down (and clean the area of the windshield they rest on), and you should be good.