skimming the beach on their ultra-low takeoffs and landings

I honestly don’t know how I feel about this verdict. I mean, everything I’ve read about the case tells me this girl is horrible and morally culpable, but I just don’t know enough about the law to say whether she’s legally culpable. And even if she is, I don’t know that I think she should be.

Remember when Donald was going to make us respected by the whole world? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Why do we need to hear you out? Do you honestly think that none of us know tons of conservatives in our daily lives? Many of us do. We know tons and we know exactly how you think. We don’t need your help. Certainly since between this opening and your username, you reveal yourself to have a paranoid martyr complex.

Part of being smart is knowing what you don’t know. He has no intellectual curiousity, none.

I must say I’m starting to have some doubts about this Trump gentleman. I initially quite liked his idea to make America great again; I was lucky enough to visit the country recently and I rated it only “very good” rather than “great” (I knocked a mark off because the hotel kept forgetting to change our towels and…

Dear Antonin Scalia,

“And when I got in my truck, you know, I was so proud, because I felt like I finally drew a line in the sand and stood up for what I believed.”

Well, we already know he’s drinking piss.

If I had a time machine and went back in time, I would talk with John Rockefeller, possibly the wealthiest man in history. I would tell him that I could travel to China in a half a day. That I could talk to any person on the planet and hear not only his voice, but also see his face, in real time from anywhere. All…

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.

I want an actual socialist president myself. But I'm ok if he or she also happens to be Muslim.

YOU GUYS I want an actual Muslim president so bad. It doesn't even matter where he or she stands on the issues; it would be worth it just to watch these morons cry and shit themselves.

When I lost weight I donated a bunch of suits, shirts and ties. I got a very nice thank you letter for a student who got a job. How did they know it was mine? I accidentally left a business card in the shirt pocket.

If they truly don't use street parking this could do very, very well in DC.

Dude who the fuck told you all those lies?

Who needs all these fancy new doodads. You don't know what livin' is 'til you drive a team of horse like I used to. All these ridiculous wires you stick in your ears to hear a bunch of caterwauling from some half-dressed floozie. We didn't need all this new-fangled shit to have fun in my day. We'd just walk out into…

Why don't we hire robots to run fast food companies? They'll be equally cold and calculating but it will feel less personal.

I used to have a job that required professional dress, and dry cleaning was absolutely a convenience for which I was willing to pay. Ironing is of the devil.

I predict Seattle's 12th man gets the MVP.... which will be Peyton Manning's 2nd Superbowl MVP.