“The president noticed that I had been skimming the pool for hours without a break in my cut off shorts and no shirt. He asked if id like to come inside and cool off and have a glass of sweet tea. I said yes and he said ‘Great, you go make the tea and bring it to my bedroom where ill be fucking my daughter, Ivanka’”

I live in Wexford. Smaller intersections seem worst for me. Where Pine creek crosses 19 north used to be the worst, but they went and created an actual left turn lane, so that’s fixed. I get apoplectic when everyone doesn’t get out into the intersection. I would have died young, but I’m already old.

And here’s the wrong way...

Get the fuck into the intersection. In Pittsburgh people NEVER do this and if there’s one lane you can’t get around them. Makes me fucking nuts.

You sell that piece of crap to your landlord and never think about it again.

I’m eagerly tucking away the King Harvest factoid, and I know EXACTLY the drunk know-it-all I will truth slap with it. *wrings hands with glee*

“Just like fries belong in a gyro.”

In the greater-Cincinnati area, there is a breakfast meat called Goetta. I grew up eating that stuff and make sure to get myself some whenever I’m visiting up there. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goetta

I was heading to [tire store] to get new shoes mounted on my ‘02 Miata a few years back. Had my son riding shotgun, and I’d lit the rears up at every stop sign along the way, and may have done a couple of parking lot burnouts as well, you can’t prove it! Anyway, we’re making a left onto the mostly empty A1A about a…

I got pulled over for speeding. The officer asked me why I was going so fast. I replied, “general stupidity.” She looked confused and said...what? I replied that i was speeding because I was stupid. She started laughing and said good answer. She gave me a warning.

When did you learn English?

A bit chilly, but what a show! The NHL and the Pens organization really came out looking first rate.

Born and bred! Go Pens!

Steep-ass hills. Chairs for reserving parking spaces. Jerkoff drivers. Must be Pittsburgh?

Back around 1999, I used to have a cow-orker named Patrick who loved to pull pranks on everyone else in the office, but this one guy Steve, for some reason, became Patrick’s favorite mark.

“Buy Ivanka’s stuuuuuuuuuuff”

There is no way I’m Googling “fingermouthing” at work.

...an under-18 nightclub