"Daddy loves Candy Crush more than me!"

Couldn't have said it better myself.

That child is PEYTON MANNING. This is a real-life "12 Monkeys", guys. He came back to stop a personal tragedy, but it turns out HE was the tragedy.

You serious? Chuck Norris is some 70 year old actor with too much plastic surgery. This guy is a brick shithouse on wheels.

God damn. Marshawn Lynch is so bad-ass that he doesn't throw money at strippers, they throw money at him.

How sad. This is men putting forth zero effort and still getting laid on the regular. To even call a date a date is too much commitment for them.

Do any of them insure against fake bomb threat in the event that the groom forgets to book a place?

I demand that future mentions of Bieber use the following Kate McKinnon (SNL) pic instead.

Hmmm...in the U.S. it's not quite as big a deal. Of course the opposing political party will try to make it so, but that happens no matter who is in power. Celebs often volunteer their time on the campaign trail or for other social causes, and we've had quite a few public officials who were once famous actors.

In San Francisco there is a promotion (which I think starts tomorrow!) called Dine About Town where tons of restaurants have special prix fixe menus available. That's one of the few times I enjoy a set menu, simply because it makes it possible to try out restaurants that are otherwise well out of my price range.…

stuck on their stupid couches all day farting into their sweatpants in between old episodes of Futurama

Before I scrolled down to see the whole cover, my immediate mental image of "sock-wearing Ben Affleck" was entirely different than what it turned out to be.

This face is the greatest reaction I can imagine. I really wish I could have heard his thoughts at this moment in time. "What do we do? Do we ignore it? Do we leave? This is so uncomfortable. I just wanted to watch the game. Uch, drunk people."

Happy Birthday #2, Blue Ivy, horsey or no horsey.

Imma let you finish Callie but Nigella should be played by Rachel Weisz

Maybe it's because I'm not white enough, but I don't see what was so unusual about Jameis' post-game interview.

IT'S OKAY EVERYONE. A DUDE IS HERE TO MAKE EVERYTHING ALL ABOUT HIS UNRELATED FEELINGS.

You missed the point by a mile and a half, kiddo. Unless your fiancee is also your daughter.

Dear people who hate gay people because they find butt sex squicky -