I’m bemused that Izzo, who makes how many millions of dollars, behaved like a 5-year-old when interacting with an actual 18-year-old. He should be embarrassed. Would a professor at this esteemed academic institution be forgiven for acting the same way?

You’re right, he doesn't work in an office. He works at a fucking school.

Pay them, then

Shitcanned as a euphemism for getting drunk might be actually be hyper-regionally specific, limited strictly to my mother’s house. 

This is timely! So, like most people, I always had a big red bag of Tyson’s in the freezer as an emergency, too exhausted to cook, staple. Nuke, dunk in enough Sweet Baby Ray’s not to care. Occasionally I would coat them in Ken’s buffalo wing sauce and put them in the toaster oven, toss them on a bag salad with some…

Are you serious, Clark?...

They keep saying pellet gun, but that’s not what they were using. Pellet guns shoot metal projectiles. Apparently they were using airsoft guns which shoot plastic projectiles. Still a totally stupid and fucked up thing to do, but there is a difference. 

What the everloving FUCK is wrong with the apparent psychopaths in the White County Sheriff’s Office?

Yes, that’s rhetorical.

I had somehow avoided it my entire life until a month ago when I let my son decide where to eat.  He chose so poorly that he’s not allowed to make any decisions for the rest of the year.

I ate at a Pizza Ranch for the first time last year. I have revised my standards for chain pizza accordingly. Pizza Ranch pizza is the absolute worst thing to ever be called pizza.  It might even qualify as a crime against food.

I always have stars for David Suchet who is the only true Hercule Poirot. John Malkovich can f*ck right off

The initial casting for this was straight-up bad in the first place. I adore Julianne Moore (if only for making an appearance on As The World Turns before it shuffled off the mortal coil in 2010 but that’s neither here nor there).

I felt like I was in that Buñuel movie where everyone’s trapped in a dinner party and we were never going to get out of that awful, fluorescent-lit back room, ever. 

He might as well be eating pizza with a goddamn fork.  RIP Beto’s campaign.  

Their cheese curds aren’t that good (ducks).

And that’s the problem. She tried to move on and do something different, but she couldn’t because that’s what she was known for. He continued to be very successful on the speaking circuit and still polled well with women. He got to have a life. She didn't.

Donald Trump is expected to award them the Iron Cross.

So basically - the woman hired to replace the guy fired for enabling a He Man Woman Hater’s club is harassed out of her job by the He Man Woman Hater’s club. 

Split pea soup is very good.