I was thinking one of them had to be “Don’t touch that”, but what do I know. I don’t have kids.

Jesus Christ quit touching each other! I’ve had that fight many times. One wrestles with the other one, the victim retaliates, the instigator screams bloody hell and “STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!!!!!”. I break them apart. The instigator immediately tackles the other one and the cycle begins again.

So Lemieux was owed about $30 million in back salary and turned that into about a 25% share of the team in 1999. Assuming his share is the same (it could well not be), he’s looking to net $175-$200 million.

Lemieux did a hell of a job with that situation. Surely the best player turned owner in sports.

Meaning he now has the same suspension as Tom Brady, right? 4 games?

Shirt’s too nice.

He’s too well dressed to be Magary

Clearly, the approximate 8,000 daily calories consumed by a Tour de France rider are spread out

Well no wonder. Everyone knows you have to inject yourself with the horse steroids BEFORE you eat the eight thousand calories. Jesus, what an amateur.

I like to think of Deadspin as a Reddit aggregator with accidental amateur journalism.

that picture makes it look like he’s turning into clint howard

“Insert name here" was a better host of Family Feud than Louie Anderson.

I’m pretty sure the Uday story just ruined pretzel rods for me.

This ^

Pretzel sticks are 1A though, because you can mix and match them in the same bowl with other snacks like goldfish or cheezits or even chips and have a double-good snack.

yup, no contest. Rod wins for cigar chomping

Look, let’s just be honest here. That is a purse. It’s ok for men to carry purses. I’m certainly not criticizing; in fact, I think it’s long overdue, they’re really useful! But yes, that is a purse.

Shirt-blindness is a side-effect of paternity

You would think at this point Leafs’ fans would be tired of seeing somebody in a Maple Leafs jersey shit his pants.