palin said she had read ALL the books so don’t be too impressed

If this is a reference to “Amazing Amy” in Gone Girl and the idea of Tiffany Trump (SPOILER ALERT) being a devious blonde woman who fakes her death to frame her husband for murder, the question is when, not if.

Now is the time for her to star in a series of internationally beloved children’s picture books.

Jesus, just ask her “Is it safe?” How hard is that?

I was first exposed to Alex Jones years ago in the film Waking Life and I watched that movie over and over again, usually with the help of some type of hallucinate. I was mesmerized by his speech, thinking he “really got it.”

i threw up so much some of it might have ended up in your mouth too

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I love when people try to claim that Park Ridge is a “snobby rich suburb.” Come on now, it’s not Wilmette. It’s basically Edison Park but just outside of the city.

so, “is a cubs fan”

Money that could be spent on down-ticket races being lit on fire instead? Great idea!

“Typical. What do you expect from an unfertilized egg?”

I dunno, but props to him for doing it.

Finally a pro scout recognizes Tebow as a quarterback.

I sometimes sympathize with the comedians asked to parody this election. How do you parody an election that’s already a parody of the Democratic process? How do you turn ridiculous a candidate that’s already surreal?

Why the fuck have their been 10,000 people in the media analyzing Hillary’s every throat-clear and cough, yet no one is looking into this sniffing? The sniffing and his whole demeanor tonight screamed coke to me.

Kellyanne was acting high af

Knowing Drumpsterfire, he’ll say her performance as campaign manager wasn’t “good enough” and he’ll refuse to pay her, like he’s done with so many other contractors over the years.