Forgotten Carlos Danger so soon? 

I liked both.

First they came for the footballs, and I did not speak out — because I didn’t care about the footballs.

Neutral: Haven’t you seen all the comments from people saying “I’ll never buy an EV until I can get 700 miles of charge in 15 minutes. I can refill my [random ICE vehicle] in 5 minutes and get 390 miles. I never pee. My bladder is the size of a yoga ball and when I go on all my 8,321 mile road trips, I store it in a…

Counterpoint: r/the_donald

Interrupting your ad viewing with automobile-focused articles, again? 

And splimter.

Just dropping by to say that the Jezebel staff and the Jezebel commentariat over the years have helped me become a much better person that I would be otherwise, and you’re all beyond awesome. Jezebel (and Gizspinniktu Clubroothacker) Forever!

Anyone else worried this is gonna be the last SNS?

I’m remembering Deadspin. 

My greatest Halloween faux paus was going to a party dressed up as a competent media executive and then pissing everyone off so much they all left.

It was probably the year I went as G/O Media, waited for people to start having interesting conversations, and then shoved an iPad in their face and played a completely unrelated video.

Imagine being so insistent on irrelevant and arbitrary rules that you start a fight and end up missing the laughs and good times that could have been. If only he had neglected to issue that short-sighted "Stick to costumes" ultimatum.

This one time I took a profitable sports blog, told it to completely change its already successful column subject writing strategy and managed to fire the editor in charge leading to all the writers quitting in solidarity, leaving it as a shell, and then banning all comments because I was afraid of criticism. What a…

On my win I would just like to thank Thatcher, for decimating the industry to the point it felt haunted (sounds like a certain herb), the bosses, for being cold monsters, and the co-workers who made it somehow bearable.

Once I purchased a successful, popular Halloween party, which was famous for the outre costumes the party goers frequently chose. Then I demanded that the party goers stick to only traditional Halloween costumes - vampires, witches, and ghosts ONLY. Then all of the cool, creative party goers left. However, I was also…

Nor is “bigly.” 98.

Trump also only knows about a hundred words, about a third of which refer to volume or size.

Agreed on all points. I’d like to add one minor thing, though. Trump further encapsulates the Boomer id, in that he doesn’t understand the role he’s played in his failures. He rails against banking and lending systems, as if they’re the reason he can’t run a successful business. He’s perfect, and his businesses are…

Damn, David. You are really fucking good at writing these articles.