“and that he will “never be his happy go lucky self [sic]” again.”

So the ONLY issue at Baylor was Briles? No other coaches were involved in these cover-ups? How in the hell is the rest of the staff remaining intact?

But, due to their shared genetics, he will no doubt give in to the call of the bomb. Trump has opened my eyes.

I paid $2,100 for a “French Laundry” once. Turns out it was 3 Parisian prostitutes with hairy armpits spitting on me for 15 minutes and then blasting me with hair dryers.

Pfft, that’s nothing, I've stuck people with far worse.

-Ray Lewis.

The vast majority of GM’s in every major sport would be completely baffled by this paragraph.

Yeah, totally. Also vaccines don't work.

When asked how he felt, Brown said that it was good to be the one laying the wood, for once.

I’m sure the woman he beat is so grateful that she could be part of this important learning experience for him.

I always love seeing “this isn’t an excuse” followed up by some lameass excuse that they hope makes up for whatever stupid decision they made.

Sorry, wasn’t it LeBron that forced a huge contract for Tristan Thompson for his energy and toughness? He should leave GMing to the GMs and worry about his on-the-court play and how he can make his teammates better.

Brewers Spokesperson: We understand that he looks completely different from the way he did last year, but that’s really just the results of a healthy diet and some extra weight gain.

Usually only Malaysian pilots can produce that type of swerve and dip.

Hey Nathan, while you’re here could you look over our financials? Things aren’t going so well..