I think you make some particularly sound observations with numbers 3, 7, and 8.

"The ice looks vertical, but it was only a 30-40 degree incline."

Always knew all that helmet friction couldn't end well...

"But for Leathers, elongated infamy is one thing and elongated labia another." Ah, the beauty of prose.

I own one of these bad boys and it's only ever proven fantastically useful.

Well, at least we've got taylor ham, egg and cheese sandwiches with a side of disco fries to drown our taffy sorrows in.