The most difficult part about reading an O'Neal article is finding exactly the right pull-quote for social media.

Son … you've got a panty on your head.

I live in the Boston area (loosely speaking) and I *still* hate the Patriots. Mostly because I grew up a Giants fan in NYS.

Not just Buffalo - Buffalo *and not Boston*. I think Bill Murray hates the Patriots.

There will be a screening of National Lampoon's Van Wilder, hosted by the ghost of Van Johnson.

The best part about Christianity's approach to charity comes from the Sermon on the Mount:

It's not that the eyes are crazy so much as they scream Manic Pixie Fascist Girl.

*You* can. I probably shouldn't.

"A million rapes is a tragedy. One is probably some floozy making shit up." - the Bill Cosby version of Joseph Stalin.

What happened - did Bob call him Gym Janahl in an email?

Mister Herpes is correct - it was The Cooler.

The other one percent is memes. Even Carlin couldn't have made those funny.

If you're still using your hand, it's not an advanced technique.

Roger Ebert did, but his editors kept taking it out.

OITNB has a white person feeling sad as a framing device, and a dozen or more women of color telling/living much more compelling stories. Your assessment of its quality is purely subjective, so I won't dispute it, but lumping it in with other "sad whitey" shows is a gross misrepresentation of both OITNB and the…

"fesaible"? Goddammit Sam.

Are you sure? I think it might be the end of Suite: Judy Blue Eyes.

I think you're right in most cases. But for what it's worth, I think I love my cat more than I've ever loved a dog.

There are reasons, but not good ones. They're perceived to be smarter and cleaner, neither of which is true. They're soft and fuzzy. Because we've always done it that way, and because we're impressed from a young age with ideals that support that status quo.

I don't know what we've done to deserve this bounty of O'Neal articles, but I'll take it.