I’m not sure what’s happening at Apple

One day, I’m gonna be brave enough to accidentally walk into someone wearing camo and say “oops, sorry bud, didn’t see you there!” and walk off.

+140 pitches... in April

Dusty clearly refers to Baker and is code for “my ulnar collateral ligament has exploded!”

Weird that they’re fighting over a chair when there are clearly ample seats available.

No, as I’ve said before, if there is a rumor they should have jumped in with both feet. They should have gone to female comics and male comics. They should have talked with workers at comedy clubs and festivals. They should have made the fact that some rumors have been disavowed by women while stating that the fact…

Here’s the simple fact: The Washington Post did journalism the right way, and Jezebel did not.

*Grabs popcorn to watch owners implode*

Producer: “Cue up something for the loss of Roy Halladay.”

This is just Qatar Airways rolling out their new slogan - “I don’t need U”

I’m with you. Nothing tastes better on cereal than a nice big pour of winged beans.

Ease up A.J., it’s Dalton’s job to do the choking.

No way man. If you strike first, you have every fucking right to get your shit rocked. This is all on her.

As someone who didn’t have a father, I was terrible at sports when I was young. It was so bad, at recess when they would pick teams, I wouldn’t just be the last one picked. The team forced to pick me would actually offer to play a man down if the other team would take me instead. When I started playing sports as an…

Holy shit, what a fucking asshole!

“because Interpol is apparently very frightened of comedians taking novelty photos of questionable taste”

I wish she’d taken Jerry Seinfeld’s advice and quit showbiz in 1996.

Yet, historically, it can always be beaten by the Eli Manning Edition.

Shit man. Theres some writers out there who can’t find a job and to them I say this. If Nick Douglas can get paid to write dumb two bit shit like this then so can you.

Really, it’s come to this?