“And I’m neither anti-male or pro-abortion.”

He clearly had an idea in his head about what his presidency would look like : huge crowds screaming his name, ceremonial signings of leather bound bullshit executive orders, money flowing into his-I mean his children’s coffers and the best approval ratings in the history of ratings. Things would be so amazing, that…

Because the cons column is starting to seriously outweigh the pros here. He’s doing more damage to the GOP, and faster, than any of them counted on—the volume and duration of the protesting alone is really screwing up their game plan. They’re not used to involved constitutents—they’ve had their districts gerrymandered…

Trump’s blatant narcissism is so all-consuming that he can’t handle the realities of his new job - all that responsibility, all that criticism - so he’s going to try and relieve his ‘glory days’ on the campaign trail.

His new campaign slogan:

Tinkerbell can’t survive without your applause!

Well you can’t expect him to start the campaign after the country has been reduced to radioactive rubble. The dead don’t show up to rallies! Gotta get stumping now while the infrastructure is still standing and the approval rating isn’t trending negative!

I really feel like it’d be inappropriate to consider a SCOTUS nominee in the middle of the campaign like this. We should really wait until the election and let the voice of the American people be heard.

SIDEBAR: When I see a racist shitbag in the comments, 9/10 times the bulk of their post history is on Jalopnik. Discuss.

“Out of context” is about the same as an “alternative fact.” It’s like when you get caught doing wrong, “out of context” is the hail mary pass all scumbags fall back on.

There is no context in which shaming a woman for having Diet Coke and turkey is okay. I mean unless she is deathly allergic to Diet Coke and turkey, he can fuck right off.

Tl;dr: we don’t care who she fucks, as long as she FUCKS OFF.

Getting lippy with a cop isn’t punishable by death. Stop being a disingenuous tool.

It is not illegal to be disrespectful.

I’m sure he’ll comfort himself by rubbing a burger all over his genitals just like the women in his company’s commercials do.

Well, thank goodness. This clears the way for Trump to nominate his real first choice: Paula Deen.

If you’re ever confused, just look at the people holding the signs.

Are the “Wage Thief”/ “Tax Cheat” posters Democrats protesting him or Republicans supporting him? Could go either way.

Hamilton Nolan has popped open a celebratory container of Fage yogurt.