I love that the Satanic Temple makes it their beeswax to be as ridiculously litigious as they can whenever shit like this happens. They are good eggs.

As someone who never read the books, I thought it was a perfectly cromulent popcorn movie.

I honestly think it was originally written as something else, and then changed to be a Dark Tower movie. Kinda like the I, Robot movie, which was another Akiva Goldsman adaptation.

I don’t see how it’s based on The Gunslinger at all, other than sharing character names. The Gunslinger is about Rolands ceaseless pursuit of the Man in Black across unfathomable distance and time, his discovery that what he really seeks is the tower, about the world moving on and decaying. The movie is about his…

Chip Gaines is essentially Mr. Peanutbutter from Bojack Horseman, I just realized.

Enough about the wheel, how did the little yodeling fella fare today?

Here for the Caillou hate. Caillou? Fuck you.

I’m sorry, but I’m contractually obligated to post the following whenever someone mentions Caillou:

Ugh, Caillou. I hate that whinny, bald little fuck.

I could not agree with you more. My youngest went through both a Caillou and a Maya the Bee phase. Bleak times. Bleak times.

Can we just put an injunction against the entire show? My 3-year-old went through a (thankfully brief) phase where she loved this show. It may not be the worst kids show ever (looking at you, Caillou), but it’s in the top (bottom?) 10

We would also have accepted “adorabyl.”

Thing is, it actually is a drug. Caffeine is a mind altering substance that when misused can have adverse affects on the brain, heart and digestive tract. It’s also highly addictive.

How very straight edge!

Coffee, America’s most popular drug. Just say no, kids.

I’m really late to this conversation but this is so spot on.

Characterizing “hitting a child with abuse” as shit slinging shows what side you’re on. You are not defending victims, you are mininmizing abuse. fuck off, from an abuse victim you’ve been having a psychological impact on. why the fuck is this cunts harm on me excused but me calling her out for her shit that…

if people were saying “toby says it’s ok to abuse animals” i’m going to come back with clarifying that animal abuse is wrong, not justify spanking my cat. this is jezebel. we’re all about responding to accusations here, see the recent louis c.k. article. if people accuse you of supporting child abuse it is your…

The running theory is this: Laura, the Golden Orb, was sent by the Lodge Spirits to defeat Judy, the Mother, the Experiment. Bob tried to kill or possess Laura to stop her, through Leland. Judy possessed Sarah.

That extended sex scene was pretty pointless, except for the wonderment of watching “Diane” continually mush “Dale’s” face around with her hands. What was that about?