Do you know what’s not dank? Using the word “greatest” as a noun without a lengthy explanation of the usage. Daddy’s brain hurts, now go sit in the corner.

No love for shredded beef??

Someone tell me something good about San Diego that isn’t about weather or Mexican food, because that’s all I’ve ever heard praised about it.

I appreciate this.

It’s not a balk, because he does it the same way every time.

You’re not here to make “I’m not here to make friends” make friends with you.

CONCACAF is awarded 3.5 bids to the World Cup, and the only consistently good teams are Mexico.

I know you are, but what am I?

I’m voting for whichever candidate pledges to arrest suspected terrorists and provide them with only IPA to drink until they break and tell all.

Fuckin’-a, man. This is what bachelor dad is making for dinner this week.

That is some genuine hospitality.

Imagine you were more excited about this goal than anything else in the world at that moment. Then maybe it makes sense? It’s not for you, the impartial tv viewer. It’s for the home crowd. Home team (doesn’t matter whose — any team) scoring a goal > rocket car drum solo orgy. (Solo orgy? Just go with it.) If the crowd…

So, none then? Thanks for clarifying.

Sorry, but your subjective opinion here is obviously wrong.

Truthering your own article, huh?

At least this football had refs who were able to take control and eject the offending party. Unlike this other football, which didn’t:

So...they’re Bills fans, then?

WELP. I can stop looking for something entertaining on the ol’ internet for the day. Not going to top this easily.

Oh that’s excellent.

Same. I liked it way better that way. “Why...why would you need to keep your socks on for your wife?”