mine says, "sent from my iPhone, most likely while driving and possibly watching cat videos"

My Phone signature states "Sent from my hand held email device. Expect typos from time to thyme."

There is no other

this of course reminded me of one of Louis CK's recent bits. "You can get from New York to Los Angeles in six hours. That used to take thirty years! And half of you would die along the way! You'd be a completely different group of people by the time you got there."

*click* No the WHITE one! *click*

Please tell me the fertility doctor's response was "Are you fucking kidding me?"

don't be silly, girls can't play hockey!

Corruption is expensive!

Of course not. You'd be surprised how many one night stands can begin with fake names and end with false phone numbers. At least there's facebook for me to monitor the pregnancy and shameful birth of my son.

I have the same buzz about being a father. I impregnate women as often as possible.

I was glad to see Josie Grossie, but y'all missed this one:

Cat food? Cat food!

At least they are not claiming to "Have found some frames left over from 1964 in the warehouse"

I'm just glad their kids weren't around to see that.

If you can't dodge a wrench, you probably cant dodge a BMW.

You've just ruined cum for everybody.