Cardi B became famous only two days ago and she always seems to be spending money like the gravy train’s never gonna stop. Not only is it nouveau riche AF, it’s reckless. Just ask Johnny Depp.

I don’t even remember why, but just I really, really, really cannot stand Gweneth Paltrow. I don’t remember what she did or when she did it...I feel like it had something to do with pseudoscience or something. 

Definitely low and kinda pathetic considering how many Asian actors have risen to prominence in recent years. Off the top of my head, Randall Park, Constance Wu, Kal Penn, John Cho (Yum) Dev Patel, Padma Lakshmi, Riz Ahmed (double Yum), Brenda Song, the Asian guy from Kimmy Scmidt, Priyanka Chopra, Ali Wong, Scarlet…

Meh, cut him loose. With the clothes and not getting out of the car, etc., I’d take that as lazy and/or clueless to being thoughtful. If he’s passive now, when the sparks should be lighting up the room...I’d just tell him there’s no chemistry and I’m not seeing a romantic future.

Be very, very careful when dealing with a man who only talks about and compliments you on your beauty, as opposed to who you are and what you do as a person, especially only two dates in. Strong potential red flag that you’re a prop and he’s looking for arm candy.

I wrote a song for a friend’s Hen’s Night and we drunkenly performed it as a group and it was amazing. We even started harmonising spontaneously.

You dodged a bullet.

Get the fuck away from ALL these people. They're fucked up.

I’m not a very nice person, I guess, ‘cuz I have zero time for that sort of emotional blackmail. Dude’s toxic and not your responsibility. Send him the link to the national suicide hotline and move on.

This is how I felt after breaking up with my long term boyfriend. Sure, there is sadness, but there is also a fucktonne of relief. More power to you, sis.

Brisket! Roundhouse kick!

Have your neighbors pay for it.

Oh crap. They are? That seems like a dick move :/

Congrats on not burning anything down. I feel ya!

Fred sends his best!

I’m having what is probably my first weekend alone since my mid-teens after deciding to leave my husband about two weeks ago. Being alone is an adjustment but I feel like I can breathe. After years of trying to lose weight, I lost 7 pounds in the last two weeks, confirming my suspicion that he was sabotaging my…

So this week has been tough on a lot of people. I have an odd but satisfying self soothing exercise to suggest. Inspired by amazing gymnasts a couple years ago, I randomly jumped up from the couch, threw up my arms and yelled “perfect 10!” It made me giggle, it felt good, and now I do it all the time. At my work desk,…

After this shitty week, bet you could set up Marzipan in a booth and charge for hugs. I’d be in for about ten bucks worth minimum.

After weeks of rain, my backyard looks like the mosh pit at Woodstock 99. Marzipan isnt going to be able to go out back for a month. 

This week was absolute shit. I feel like my dog’s dog tag. I hope everyone is taking care of themselves out there (internet hugs).