i would legitimately frequent a bar that had bookshelves. i mean i used to live across the street from a bar called The Library but there were no books, only drunk college kids. why is there no drinking library?

this has brought me legitimate relief. ...and also a reminder that allergies are weird, man.

agreed. i haven’t read it in quite some time but i always remember laughing and feeling very real warmth from them, because it felt like they were pulling for everyone they roasted. they wanted people to live their best lives and show up looking like it, but they didn’t do it in a demanding way. mayhaps i should start…

so far this morning i have managed to oversleep, get an errant and mysterious scratch on my face, forget my work badge, be even later to work, run out of coffee sweetener, get locked out of the computer system i need to access for work, and make an ass of myself in front of my boss’s boss. this mint kit-kat business…

you are correct, dark chocolate kit kats are delightful. if they’re gonna make them with mint, well, i guess i’ll just never not be fat.

wait a minute, dill is related to ragweed? i have godawful allergies to it but i love dill as a seasoning and also dill pickles. i...no. i refuse. i refuse to believe this tomfoolery and will not acknowledge that one of my favorite flavors is possibly contributing to my flonase habit.

i always used to hork when i ate mussels as a kid - i mean i hated them and wouldn’t eat them voluntarily and when my mom would make them for her and my dad, just the smell would make me nauseous. when they were snuck into food for some reason (i love my mom but her ‘you don’t know what’s good’ levels of food…

yogurt. plain i can handle if it’s turned into something like tzatziki sauce, but sweet, regular old yogurt? oh god. i had walking pneumonia when i was in 5th or 6th grade and my whole left lung was collapsed, so the docs put me on some super duper high-grade antibiotics that i had to take four times a day, every six…

i am here for it and i will wait patiently.

sweet christ, suddenly folding jeans over and over again and cleaning up shirts fallen off hangers doesn’t seem like it was the worst college job.

wait what

i legit feel you on the asparagus thing. i used to hate them with a fiery passion when i was young, partially bc the way my mom cooked them was garbage (microwaved in a glass pie plate covered in saran wrap, no salt or pepper or anything, what the hell mom?), and partially bc the taste of them was just disgusting.…

goat cheese = satan’s yelly horned pet stuff

dulce de leche? chai latte? i mean, great for making it to the dictionary but why only now in 2019?

did the computer games of our youth teach you nothing? never ford the river, you’ll flood and break an axle and/or lose and ox. hopefully not before a sandwich or two though.

this is the correct take. i heart gwen but this week’s choices started so strong and nosedived into sadness.

mannnn i was so ready to go with gwen bc of the quarter pounder pick out of the gate as it’s pretty much my favorite burger, but it got ruined by the filet o fish and the big mac. i would eat either of those had i no other choice, but i would not pay money for them. had to give it to kevin, though kate was a close…

my first choice is potato salad, but if we’re eschewing potato products in general, then i’ll go with a non-lettuce salad with tomato, onion and cucumber with maybe some feta or goat cheese and a vinaigrette, or at any rate something bright that will cut through the burger business.

just bc i can’t let it go unsaid, it would behoove anybody who gets frequent UTI’s to visit a urologist- it’s not fun, they’re used to dealing with mostly geriatric dudes with angry prostates, but if you happen to be suffering from undiagnosed pelvic floor dysfunction or interstitial cystitis (or the umbrella term…

damn, you beat me to it. i wouldn’t put it past those turkey-flavored soda bastards.