“Also, per school policy, the dog has been expelled”

“We commend Ishmael for not taking his frustrations out on another human like many of our athletes previously would have. This is another step in the right direction for Baylor athletics.” - new Baylor AD

I’m totally cool lying to a foreign government, especially a corrupt one. His allegiance is to the stars and bars, not crooked ass Brazil. But, man, if it’s true he did it to keep his chick from finding out, that’s a bad look. There are levels of chick you obstruct justice over. Kate Upton, Emily Ratajkowski, Betty…

You mean when she ran slower than the winner?

Germans talking shit to Brits and winning? Third time’s a charm.

Costas might bring it up in passing, as an excuse to segue into that great story about the time the train the Pirates were traveling on broke down and so the Pirates team ended up having to walk a piece down some back roads and they were fired on by moonshiners who mistook them fer Revenue Agents but luckily Pie…

Witnesses: We were the ones shooting.

During my job interview, my boss asked me if I had experience using Excel. I told him that I excelled in it and got a little chuckle out of him. I have no clue what the fuck I’m doing on Excel, but no one has noticed for 8 years.

If you’re an Olympic athlete, training for these games is your job, and competing in them is your life’s goal. Pointing out that the host country sucked at completing facilities shouldn’t mean that you therefore have to leave and give up.

Was this comment run through Google Translate?

How do the women look?

Sir, I don’t believe you get Deadspin...

Geoffrey, a middle-aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.

SAM BRADFORD PLAYS ULTIMATE FRISBEE?

Yeah! Fuck Science!

The answers to both of your questions are literally in the first sentence of the article.

With American civil liberty now on life support, you couldn’t really expect Newt to remain faithful to it.

Within the next 3 years there will be 20 middle schools named after this frog.

France's space exploration program is a work in progress