I wonder how long this marriage will last, based on your friend's adage:

hillary da real MVP

Oh, I've got another! One time, I heard Bill Clinton would be up in San Francisco signing his memoir and even though it was hours away and would be a whole thing, goddamnit, I wanted my book signed by Bill Clinton.

I've kissed Dustin Hoffman.

It's no secret to those who know me even casually that I'm obsessed with Ghostbusters, skulls, vodka, and Canada. So when Dan Aykroyd was in town to promote his vodka (Crystal Head, the one that's sold in a skull shaped bottle), you'd best damn well believe I was going to meet him come hell or high water. I'd…

Oh, and Meryl Streep offered to carry a rotisserie chicken out of a grocery store for me because I was back home visiting after my mom had a heart attack.

I met John Ritter in a bar and he asked me to hold his beer. Then he immediately yelled, "BARTENDER! THIS KID IS GETTING DRUNK OVER HERE!!", which made everyone in the bar turn and look, and me blush like crazy (I was 11). Then he bought me a water... which, errm.. was free. Because water. Also because open bar..…

It's not insane per se but it was the coolest thing ever! I've been chronically ill since 4. Loads of kidney problems, autoimmune disorders, etc. A lot of pain. A lot of sleepless nights. That's how I got into old movies. If you're in pain & awake at 4am TCM is the only thing on. I LOVE old movies. I pray to Bogart &…

Better late than never, and most definitely should've posted this story sooner but here it goes. I do promise this will make you smile.

Have mercy.

I told this story before but it makes me giggle so I'll tell it again.

The man is horrible, don't get me wrong.

To be fair, when NFP is practiced correctly, it's effectiveness rate is quite good.

No people will die from heart disease, diabetes, and cardiovascular problems all of which have a high correlation to obesity because they are generally caused by behaviors that lead to obesity. Altering those behaviors is the key to healthier people, and Biggest Looser with it's predilection towards starvation diets,…

There is no way to tell these are Dirt Bags from the mobile home page. This has been a problem for a while now (not a specific complaint to Karen). Can Jezebel standardize this somehow? Either have everyone bold the celebrity names even in the big paragraphs, or write Dirt Bag IN the title, or tell the programmers to…

Or if your kid is getting bullied a lot/needs more individual attention to succeed in school and you have some education experience.

No one's got girth like Gaston,
No one shows mirth like Gaston,
No one commands such width of berth like Gaston
Gaze upon his rippling musculature;
You could mow his chest hair like a lawn.

No one's strong as Gaston,
No one's long as Gaston,
No one's got such an incredible schlong as Gaston.
In Disney there's no one with half the talent
In the bedroom and with the brawn.

I adore my big brother. We were close when we were little because we moved all the time, even though we are five years apart. Then we lived in the same town in college/post-college, then met and married our spouses at about the same time, and then he and his wonderful wife had the grace and wisdom to have a baby…

Thank you. My older brother was my first best friend. He was ecstatic to find out he was going to be a big brother, and it was a roll he took seriously until the day he died. This video gave me all the feels and brought a giant smile to my face.