Ah, come on, Mark is cool. I know the guinea pig onesie was a little off-putting but just him give a chance.

Woah, Jesus doesn't want to see your shoulders.... Whore.

My ladyboner springs eternal for Jeff Goldblum.

YOU LEAVE THAT BEEF ALONE, LEVINE!

Adam Levine is a health code violation.

Well, I'm not saying that sometimes women aren't needlessly busting balls, but men definitely need to be more careful about not provoking women. I mean, I saw this one guy who got drunk at a party, and a women busted his balls. He was crying about how just because he was drunk didn't mean that he should have had his…

Gee, I can't imagine why you're not having enjoyable sexual experiences with women. Maybe few of them have the patience or stamina to spend hours trying to placate a shrieking manbaby. It's hard to get creative in bed when you're exhausted, or constantly worrying that you didn't do something exactly right. If you…

I love joking about terrorism.

Are wasps the insect world's equivelant of the SS? They look cool, but are evil to their core. They enslave, mess around with mind control, and everyone was kind of happy when some other bugs kicks their ass. I won't be surprised if some day scientists discover tiny archaeology digs where wasps have been trying to dig…

Some rejected alternatives:

My boyfriend is a living bitch-slap to this lie about crushed genitals: He is hung like a whale (and I can compare, because I've been a certifiable slut for eight years) and he sits with his legs crossed all. the. time. He shakes his head when he sees this shit.

Guys. We don't believe you. What we do believe: You've…

Some constructive criticism, thehunchbackofnotredwayne, since I see you are interested in pursuing a path in sexist trolling: you need to commit (I would suggest you fact-check, too, put that's probably beyond you — Maddie is a staff writer here, just FYI! That is a full-time position, and also a vagina is not…

You are not good at this.

your commitment to overreacting is commendable.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Both sexes act like jerks when it comes to seat space. Both of these types of people are to be mocked for their terrible ways

Have you ever considered that a man might do the same thing for the exact same reason, and if you say that it isn't legitimate, then you're a sexist asshole?

What does having a boner feel like?

They do not. They were likely running away because they assumed you were asking to so as to ascertain the viability of a flotation device made out of balls. #misandry #onaboat

TRUE DAT. I've had that happen at work all over my pants. Thanks, Obama! But my pee is crystal clear and smells like Burberry Brit so no biggie.