Dear 1%, stop inflicting what is "new" on us, or we will tell you what is old about being poor. It's not exciting.

This is why we have torture porn and video games that allow you to simulate the act, so you can still feel American while sitting on your couch.

You must be excited for the scene in GTA VI when you're forced to participate in a gang rape.

There is, according to laws, and everything, a difference between assault and torture.

Congratulations, you just passed the American citizenship test.

Here's Amanda with her new taxidermy raccoon wearing a jetpack. She loves him, and all taxidermy, apparently.

They are SuperCanadianMarried.

I didn't know there was torture in GTA V. Not cool.

Miyamoto is such a dinosaur.

Well if you're going to put out such fancy looking food bowls for your cat you should expect that it might want a gourmet meal :P

I thinks she'd make a good villain. I thought Kristen Bell's character was going to be a big, recurring meanie but she was too sympathetic.

Arthas used to be handsome... he was always a dickbag though.

You have to go all out, like in the credits for a Simpson's Halloween episode.

It's all of the most important penises. We need to make this app for politicians to protect them from these scheming harlots!

True, only slightly creepy story. I hear a thud and find my mother in the basement of my grandparent's house.

Or have your apartment declared a health and fire hazard by your property manager and then have special cleaners in HAZMAT type suits deal with it while you weep in the hallway.

All I've learned from this is that teal and orange is the least hideous combination haha

My boyfriend would ask me if I felt like watching TV very loudly. Translation: "I have to poop."

But does it work everyyywhere? It's a weird, jazzy futuristic combination. Like, I imagine the hoverboard company of the future uses that colour scheme.

I would arrest him for stealing those chicken cutlets from my grocery store.