Oh great, now there are "alpha" and "beta" ladies too? You'll notice that no one ever refers to themselves as the "alpha" female or male, it's always someone else. You're always the inferior "beta", an inexplicable, meaningless classification meant to make you feel hopeless.

It's almost as if American Horror Story has way too much rape in it.

Omgz, your ginger hair went a bit blonde too from all the summer sun? I can't wait til winter too!

Oh my gersh, this is worse than Cosmo. Just tell us that a good French braid drives a man wild.

Ugh, poor Mario Lopez. He deserves a facial from someone classy, like Liam Neeson.

We should license and register penises for the public good.

A tricorder scan will determine if this is genuine or sarcastic...

Sexy bits written by undersexed male fantasy authors all seem equally awkward to me.

My coffee table book is Green Porno and it is always open. I'm kind of an artiste.

Have you ever stolen candy from a baby? Their grubby (grub-like) little hands clench madly, their eyes well up with tears... it's so easy, and so satisfying

If he was a good actor I don't think I'd find him attractive.

You'd have to ask Kesha. She got a mouthful of his facial hair one night before one of his dutiful assistants lasered it off so nobody would ever know that his face belongs to that of a man.

My response to that is always, "That's correct."

Yes, shame on her for wanting to normalise the word vagina. We should really all stop saying it, it's terribly naughty. I'm not sure doctors should be allowed to say it either. Well, maybe special ladydoctors.

Well, Fiona did do that horrible Chile's propaganda song, so she obviously knows nothing about health.

I thought sales were at an all time high. I'm selling like, two dozen subscriptions to feminism a day.

"Full follicular fruition" I love Al Roker

I can't hear you over the sound of your fancy salad munching.

GTA is a fantasy world, there is no reason for them not to entertain the bizarre, fantastical idea that women should be respected.

As one of my snobby French chef instructors says about California's rather oaky Chardonnay, "a very nice Chateau 2x4". GET IT? Cuz of wood. I need more whiskey.