Cool I’m getting divorced the year “cubs in five” by mountain goats comes true.

I used to work at Home Depot and had a customer complain to my manager that I didn’t smile enough and also didn’t laugh at her joke (which was at my expense as I had just spilled a can of paint and was covered in the stuff while cleaning it up and also trying to help her out). My manager told me later that she made it…

I’ve decided to start referring to the vulva as “the part which is colloquially but inaccurately referred to as the vagina.” It’s a good thing I rarely need to refer to a vulva.

Ever since a coyote ate my son’s cat, he’s wanted to grow up to be a professional coyote killer. Maybe Paris will hire him.

If it said “Cunton” I might but that he had simply copy/pasted it without checking.

I’m 6'2" and feel insecure around taller men. Sad! #buttrue

That’s what I thought, but I’m a partisan asshole.

The write-up would have been about how the Cubs came back to win in the bottom of the ninth.

Man I could really use a hundred bucks right now.

Yes they are. They are impotent and weak, which is why they need Daddy to save them from the scary Muslims, Mexicans, and Womans.

I totally didn’t get the joke. I was just trying to figure out what was happening.

Good. I hope it humbles him. He’ll always be dopey Jordan Catalano to me.

I finally just watched it AND basically what I gathered is that he’s listening to the music explicitly to try and take ideas to put into his own songs to make money. Since he paints himself as a serious artist this makes him look bad. Has nothing to do with Taylor Swift.

BUILD THE GUNS KEEP THE WALL SECOND IDEOLOGICAL TEST AMENDMENT GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE MUSLIM MEXICAN RAPIST SECOND AMENDMENT

God.

Guess that explains why I’ve been thinking about moving there.

Wait so Elvis isn’t really a king???

I thought that tweet was a joke until I saw his other tweets.

I can’t stop watching number 56 in the second gif.

Fuck this shit I’m going back to Gawker.