Honestly, though, who the hell drinks Diet Coke for health reasons?

I drink it because I’m addicted to the aspartame, caffeine and rum.

Uh, that position was already filled. Have a seat.

She was a prosecutor and judge, I’m guessing she was offered the A.G. position.

Officially? No way.

Ah, this explains so much about Wisconsin. They all have mad cow disease. 

White nutters is the preferred nomenclature.

Sounds like he went full hotep. 

Kids do it, although I did have an adult co-worker once who said he made a gingerbread castle/sculpture every year as a family tradition. He talked it up a lot and made it sound fantastic. So I asked him to bring it in one year after the holiday season. It looked like it had been in a fire.

These method actors are intense. 

You could also keep the passengers out, too. Much more effective.

Sound like a personal problem to me, frankly.

So a kebab means fuck all in England? That was the most confusing, everything else sort of made sense, or at least you could see where it came from.

My smoked ham laughs at your turkey’s short shelf-life. Although now I have a reason (other than gluttony) to finish off the last of the pumpkin pie.

This came out the same time he joined Twitter...coincidence?

Folks, this motherfucker took a homeopathic medicine and then stated that his “co-morbidities” prevented it from working. He hasn’t so much seen the light as he was whacked upside the head by a flashlight. 

Yeah this might have been a trial balloon to gauge reaction. That shit popped.

This is pretty interesting, since colorism in Brasil is based on class and not really as much as solely on race (not saying racism doesn’t exist, it’s just more complicated).

That’s a proper technique, with the wrong materials. The second layer of butter should be peanut butter (although lesser nut butters can be used in a pinch).

“Must not be allergic to polonium.”

See what you don’t understand about visionary thinkers is that they’re thinking in the future tense. So in 20 years when you’re saying to yourselves, “I should have bought that DoorDash stock when I had the chance ---AAAAAAAYYYYEEEEE” as you’re dumped into the boiling vat of DoorDash brand food stuffs, you’ll realize…