Get them well-done, animal-style if you want to hit nadir.

Wendy’s spicy sandwich is actually spicy instead of the black pepper spiciness that Chick Fila-A’s mayo demographics prefer. That Polynesian sauce, tho.

I think it’s based on Pewdie Pie.

This whole thing is a like a comedy sketch. Even the shade-throwing witnesses have names out of Clue.

They could buy all the sauces and a hundred tendies and go on an Epcot bender.

Correct.

I have a Ph.D in Internet Studies; I know exactly what I am talking about.

I take back every bad thought, word, emotion, post, comment, Tweet, ‘gram, bathroom graffiti, Craigslist ad, and voicemail that I have ever made about Drew Magary if he bankrupts Univision on the way out the chute. 

You never had a flour tortilla, chief?

Oh, really. Point to me the bottom and the sides of a tortilla.

This isn’t a rabbinical exercise, we’re talking science.

Rotate 90 degrees. 

Nice use of the muffaletta technique.

“Gerber’s Mac & Cheese”? Why the fuck does this even exist?

I thought he was playing a liberal cuck.

Unless you give those people you don’t want to vote an alternate form of ID, like tattoos or cloth stars.

Is this dude a mobster that never figured out the suitcase full of cash angle? Is he really that inept?

I think she should stick to what she knows best: cheese.

Exactly. Thank you. Finally someone who understands non-Euclidean geometry.