It’s Kubrick’s finest work, tbh.

🎶 This is my last resort. 🎶

You gotta put polynesian sauce on that chicken, and get it spicy, and then add hot sauce (preferably the sriracha you brought in your back pocket and fuck you sat on it, but that’s okay, there’s still plenty left in the bottle) and then some mayo (or ranch for those of you allergic to mayo) and then drink like a…

This is the BEST BIT:

Look on the bright side, at least this nominee has job experience.

They said they were arresting her for her own protection, so basically she talked back to the cops.

The best meat is in the rump.

Yeah, nothing wrong with that statement by itself, but she’s all kinds of crazy. Not surprised why someone would call the cops on her lunatic ass.

“Why are you talking to a dog?”

The FBI goes where the FBI needs to go. The irony is that Trump references Watergate, which was an FBI investigation of a sitting President. If the President is not above the law, what makes Trump think his campaign was?

“SEE, I KNEW OBUMMER WAS SPYING ON US DURING ALL THOSE TIMES WE MET WITH FOREIGN AGENTS AND CRIMINALS—ERR BUSINESS ASSOCIATES!”

Glad to know I’m not the only one. It’s better than reality TV.

I figured she was asking for the bathroom key and they wouldn’t give it to her without a purchase.

“Unexpected Mariachi” is their new band name.

This should be his life forever:

He doesn’t deserve the tacos, save them for the workers at that deli.

STRAIGHT OUTTA WALMART

Or saran wrap a lid on it also works.

NextDoor is absolutely crucial for determining which of your neighbors to avoid. It’s actually good at the opposite of what it was intended for, although frankly I’m wondering if it was intended for raising lynch mobs and arguing about dogs pooping on your lawn and less about neighborliness.

Or they just continue using prison labor, and suddenly that workforce increases as the unemployment rate drops to 0%.