This is like every election day.

“You were here for 400 years?” He said you, not us. That motherfucker’s gone full Trumpchurian Candidate.

My man, we are tapped directly into the Apollo submarine cable using some RCA cables from Radio Shack that in turn is hooked up to Craig’s skull (he has a lot of fillings and an internal dual-band router he claims the CIA installed inside his cranium) and we get full bars up to at least 3000 yards from Craig’s skull…

This is the dumbest sentence ever.

Mexico is ripe for a Duterte, because the lynchings Duterte is employing pale in comparison to the violence the cartels are subjecting Mexicans to every day.

Well, well. Looks like BIG MOTHER NANNY STATE wants to take away our juicy boxes and replace them with matcha-flavored Nicorette gum. Fuck you BIG NANNY, keep your nagging hands off my strawberry Nesquick-flavored hero-juice. I work in IT Security and you CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH. YOU NEED ME ON THAT FIREWALL. The only…

Not kids, man-children. Man-children who like sucking on their pacies all day so they don’t get the grump-grumps.

I smell fish sauce that has been spilled onto a hot, summer sidewalk and now the ants are in it and OMG here comes the ice cream truck just in time because I’m outta weed.

Costco.com for bulk shit.

This is true.

At the Kraft Foods biscuit research lab in Suzhou, food scientists experimented with dozens of other varieties, among them an Oreo that replaced the traditional filling with a glob of gum.

Hey man, it’s been known to happen.

Obviously the Russians hacked his brain.

🎶 Unionize down at Burgerville! 🎶

Yeah, the strongest (top-shelf) flowers are in the 20% THC range, but you can get also get concentrates that are 98% THC and will fuck your shit up on another level.

She was.

The only girl scout cookies worth buying are the bootleg ones from Trader Joes because they have no preservatives and you can trade weed for them unlike with the girl scouts.

Needy?

The worst part is that this [RUSSIAN TROLL] dipshit totally overshadowed Jonathan Nolan’s Facebook/Russia rant.

It’s accurate, though. Very accurate.