“From ratchet ho, to professiono.”

Yeah, but you can’t make a burrito out of a corn tortilla.

This is a justification of their logical fallacy that things that cost more are better. Because they must be, right? Otherwise they’re wasting all that money on gluten-free tortillas that fall apart when exposed to air.

Let me guess, Iyanla is a Baptist.

I was gonna say, he must be addicted to frappucinos.

Downgrade: this one’s just plain mayo instead of maychup.

They’re using an electric keyboard, but imagine this with a pipe organ and some beatboxing:

I don’t think it’s physically possible to do an acoustic version of this, but if someone manages to do so? I think that achievement alone would make it okay.

What about ranking by island? (You know you want to.)

I don’t think that’s what this is implying. The car went from a full stop to accelerating off the cliff.

Ah, yes, I recall the passage where Jesus washed everyone’s bootstraps.

I just popped blackmarket (some other dude’s) ritalin whenever I had to cram for finals. Shit is like a turboboost for your brain.

There’s a couple reasons. 1) We shouldn’t dictate what other people eat and 2) it’s impossible to implement this. (They’ve already looked into it. Can’t find the study done by Congress but it basically concluded that food companies could change labeling and all of it would be undone).

Thanks, I’m fine.

Man.....

We went from Oprah to Maury Povich in like two fucking years.

Pretty much the only thing they’re good for.

Since you’re so thirsty, I’ll turn on the hose.

S’right, more pie for me.