New to Deadspin, eh?

Too easy. +1 because you posted it first.

Sorry. I meant Sean should get a REAL job.

On the other end of the Hall-of-Fame-Speech spectrum

Also, fuck you. You aren't even a real doctor.

Okay. Then put an asterisk next to Torre as well. Don't know what the word "impartial" means, do you, Sean?

BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE PINK JERSEYS????

*eye roll*

I'm about to spend almost $2,000 just to GO to my buddy's destination wedding. My presence will be the gift.

And probably don't have to pay for rent, groceries, utilities, etc.

How I interpreted it:

Oh.

Yasiel Puig

Pfffffft.

[A]fter much prayer and wise counsel, I have decided to let you in on this part of my life so that you will know what God is doing in and through me.

"I didn't read the article, but because it had the word "Cardinals" in it, I'm going to make some asinine comment about Cardinals fans so I can get all the +1s."

- Fans of every other MLB team