So when I was around 6 years old I slept with this old, mustard yellow blanket. And every night I would have a dream about a monster that would creep into my room, stop at the end of my bed, and eat the blanket. In the morning the blanket was gone, when I got home from school the blanket was back. This went on for…

Is it just me, or are they the same shade? Are they sharing makeup?

You know, I used to think Trump was using simplistic nicknames (Lyin’ Ted, Crooked Hillary, RocketMan) as a method of speaking to his base.

This is just so good.

A President who tweets end the fillibuster is not your buddy. Trump is no one’s buddy. He’s a man-baby that wants everything he wants whenever he wants it. Nevermind if that changes daily, he wants it now. Very Verucca of him. Bad egg.

Trump doesn’t care about issues, all he cares about is winning. And Republicans could not pass legislation, because they can’t reach consensus with each other. So, go with the Democrats and moderate conservatives will go with it too.

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An argument could be made that recharging would force truckers to take breaks and drive safer.

It’s like the whole Oh no, you got chocolate in my peanut butter!

Instant Pot cultists insist pressure cooked eggs are the easiest to peel off.

Was there a notice anywhere stating this surcharge was being added to your tab? Raising prices on the menu is one thing, everyone sees it and agrees to the new higher price by ordering the dish. But a surcharge, if only listed on the receipt, is not known about until you get the receipt. That’s adding terms to a…

Go YouTube a totality video, it really is amazing.

Sandwiches should be cut in half, as a rectangle. Triangles are structurally unsound at the edges, causing sandwich filling to fall out.

How about popcorn?

Calling it now...David Hasselhoff.

Probably subterfuge, this is a travel system for space and the moons

News flash, Donnie, you’re not an investigator. If a person had damaging intel and wanted to fuck over Clinton, they could have reached out to the press and/or Wikileaks. They reached out to you, Donnie, because it was bait and you were the stupid trout that gobbled it up. And now you’re caught, and it’s dinner…

Obviously in need of sound financial advice. Might I suggest purchasing a racehorse?

I got Blues Clues deja vu going hard in my head right now.

Trump patted the bottom of Putin’s forearm. I thought he was going for the elbow lock, but no, just a bit of a pat. I can honestly say no one has ever done that to me in my life, nor have I ever seen it done. A little strange.