Got a pre-order in at target.com

Got a pre-order in at target.com

I would like to add a simple rule for first time marathoners...go slow. Runners have a tendency to push themselves hard, set unrealistic goals, feel like their body will catch up if they push it. It’s more likely your body will get hurt. Form breaks down when you’re tired, and that leads to injury...usually midway…

Question: do they even stamp passports anymore? During press conference Trump said he marched into his attorney’s office and demanded to see his passport. To me this sounds like total bullshit. I travelled through Europe in the 90's and don’t recall getting any stamps.

It’s fine to ask if people want more kids. just don’t attach gender to it.

Why do we need lethal injections at all? When I read The Martian I remember he talked about how he’d kill himself, which was to shut off the oxygen but continue to breath carbon dioxide. Body thinks it’s breathing, brain shuts off. Boom. Dead.

I have three daughters and hate, rage-hate, anyone who asks if we’re going to keep trying. As if what I already have isn’t good enough. People are shitty.

Six minutes in instant pot pressure cooker. Make sure they’re above the water, my instant pot came with a raised trivet. People suggest that the eggs not touch each other. Ice bath. Peel. These eggs are so easy to peel. Try it, you’ll laugh at how easy these eggs peel.

Howard Stern. I kid.

Skiing is a knee injury waiting to happen. Snowboarding is safer. I have had spectacular accidents from snowboarding and walked away laughing.

Atkins has always encouraged fats. The first stage of Atkins (induction) is specifically designed to put your body into ketosis. A quote from his induction phase: “I cannot stress enough that trying to do a low-fat version of Atkins will interfere with fat burning and derail your weight loss.”

I find it funny that republicans need rules on how to use a bathroom.

I had the strongest urge today to buy a PS4, specifically because I haven’t gotten to play the new Uncharted.

I bought one, sink cat wanted nothing to do with it. Wouldn’t go near it. Sink cat is so weird.

My wife’s sink cat. There are several bowls of water around the house, but these are ignored. Sink cat requires to drink from the tap directly. Or, failing that, to find a full glass of water to tip over. She will not sit in my sink, or any other sink. This is her turf, and she will remain even if you have a…

Not for purchases, it’s there to show how much money they amass when they don’t spend. I’ve explained to them that the savings account shows how much they’ve received in cash, and that makes their eyes bug out. I might introduce them to investing at a certain age, but they’ll receive the funds when allowance ends.

I’m waiting for the midweek 3am “Trump horny” tweets.

For my kids allowance I give based on their age. If you’re 5, you get 5 dollars a week. However they only get half that amount in cash. The other half goes straight into a savings account so they can see what happens when you don’t spend.

Rule 1 of Trump tweets: do not analyze Trump tweets. Ignore until his people say what they thought he meant, followed by Trump saying I didn’t mean that, followed by then I guess he’s crazy and concluded by Trump denying he ever said it.

My 6 year old asked for one thing, an elf on the shelf. I told her we could buy one on the 26th when they’re 75% off. That’s good parenting.

Holy Christ, that pic needs demon wings added to it.