“On the flip side, at least the press and political opposition will find it easy to police Mr. Trump’s business conflicts compared with many other conflicts that presidents are heir to.”

I’m already representing his penis in its future lawsuit against him for negligence.

People say millennials are oversensitive, but at least we aren’t as litigious as the current embryo generation.

And in a frankly unacceptable case of human-washing, the monsters are apparently all played by Matt Damon as well.

On the hopeful side, perhaps Ben Carson will be put in charge of deportations? If they can avoid a very high, sleep-walking man who couldn’t even successfully stab his grandmother through a belt-buckle or something, these people should be fine.

Honestly, if it helped her keep power at this point, I’d let her take the oversized yarmulkes and crosses too. We are at the brink of a global slide to the far right, and she’s one of the only pillars of liberalism left. Germany is not the U.S. when it comes to expressive rights.

“Hand-to-face movements are common.” “The kidneys are functioning and make urine.”

I would say very likely yes, though I’m also not an expert on international criminal jurisdiction, so feel free to take that with a grain (or a heap) of salt. In terms of general international law, usually citizenship alone is a basis for jurisdiction (the so called “active personality principle,” which goes along…

I always like to spice things up for them, just to keep them on their toes. It’s basically “butts, butt, butts, homemade nitrogen bombs, butts, butts...”

I guess it’s actually kind of perfect that when we finally do destroy our society, we’ll do it ironically.

But if you steal all the syrup, how are you going to buy all the syrup that you need to... oh.

“Much of the syrup has been tracked down and returned.”

“He has no expertise in housing policy, but he did spend part of his childhood in public housing, said a close friend, Armstrong Williams, and he was raised by a dauntless mother with a grammar-school education.”

On the plus side, I for one am pretty excited for a Statue of Liberty that is also a grain storage device.

Boo Radley is so not going to appreciate this.

Man, Assange has made himself into such a douche that I am now pro-government spying and anti-transparency. I’ve been mailing transcripts of all my phone calls to the NSA just to give them a head start; not sure about the cease and desist letter I just got but I think they’re playing hard to get.

Maybe if you’re a fancy pants liberal elitist, and not a salt-of-the earth, working man’s hero like Donald. Sure, I’ll just have my butler get my “tie clip” out of the “wardrobe” (is that a thing now too?).

Why the hell would you want to legalize something you don’t personally enjoy?! I don’t think anything I don’t like doing should be legal.

This is actually the first good idea trump has had. The little tie thing never stays behind the big tie thing. If he just puts his tie guy in charge of immigration, foreign and environmental policy and economic development, I may start being cautiously optimistic about our future.

“Sessions attempted to use a 1992 state law that, as Kaczynski writes, “made it illegal for public universities to fund in any way a group that promotes ‘actions prohibited by the sodomy and sexual misconduct laws.’”