I feel like if I had MORE confidence and maybe less boyfriend when I was younger I would have had a much more productive life.

i had an aneurysm when Huckabee complained that we don’t cure diseases any more.

THANK YOU, Bernie Sanders. Imma gonna go donate 5 dollars right now.

I’m voting for the state to keep it to spend on education which is why I voted for legalization in the first place...well one of a couple of reasons;)

Nothing would make me happier than to see this child with a full ride to MIT off the backs of these islamaphobic fucks.

Painful confession time: I was initially incredibly judgey about Amber Rose and my teen daughter had to school me on this. We’re a fact-based sex education household, and yes, even so I had all this judgement.

Dear police,

Attention all news outlets:

Just coming here to say that a friend of mine is on Raya and she legitimately used it to score the weirdest weekend with Matthew Perry.

Well, as someone who once went (and has since semi-dropped out of) Fancy University, you don’t need a fucking app. They find each other whether or not an app is in play. Elites marry elites on the campus chapel, have elite babies and make them legacies and they in turn marry elitist legacies. 21st century version of…

Some gynecologists do not belong in the profession.

On my first gyno visit I got shamed by the nurse that I wasn’t 100% sure exactly how many days had passed since my period. She made me feel like an irresponsible idiot. Luckily I didn’t take it too personally and just decided this nurse was super bad at her job, but seriously, stop scaring the teenagers out of going…

Mentioning the 9/11 gift shop always makes me think of this.

My ex-fiance is now a priest (not Catholic), and one summer he stayed in the guest room at the parish priest’s house. I was between housing situations for a night, so they let me stay over, and we went at it like rabbits. So yeah, did it with an almost-priest in a current priest’s house.

I wrote a parody of Passion of the Christ (as a kind of performance art piece) that was so sacrilegious that my friends who performed in it had their kid taken away in a custody dispute when the Catholic judge was shown pics of it. Took years to straighten out. Worst thing I ever accidentally did.

Grace Jones resorting to Shade would be like Neil deGrasse Tyson showing up for a lecture with a styrofoam model of the Solar System.

I know that I should be too shocked by the horror of this, but is it bad that, after getting over that, my first thought was, “a dime for a phone call? Damn, Jewel is older than she looks.” Is that bad?

I don’t even think you have to be a religious Jew to find their policy on Israel disgusting. I’m a secular Jew and an American Israeli, and everything about the right’s attitude towards Israel disgusts me. They’ve managed to turn an entire country full of actual human beings who have to deal with conflict and war on a…

Have we ever seen Sarah Palin and Joaqin Phoenix in the same room?