Nobody in Congress gives one rats ass about what Ivanka thinks. She’s just playing politics here for vanity.

ALSO TRANSITIONING.

So they are Charlotte.

WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR CHIN

Oh god you just came up with the most apt analogy for my team. And Charlotte is like the McMansion capital of the US, what with the spike in its wealth coinciding with the rise of McMansions.

I’d kinda forgotten about that Kuechly video until the fan comment section, and stupidly followed the link. After watching it, I realize it was less forgetting it than my brain deleting it in horror to protect me.  That shit was frighteningly awful.

This right here was the scariest shit Ive ever seen an athlete do and I ain’t been right with the NFL since and all the other bullshit this League goes out and does.

What’s your beef here, Chuckles? Cam Newton plays a violent game and is the supposed leader of his team. It was the Super Bowl. They needed that possession to have a shot. And he Todd Pinkston’d his way to infamy in the most cowardly way possible. So instead of ragging on another internet commenter, why don’t you…

Yea I get the desire to mock Matty Ice for being boring and bland af but let’s be real, he’s one of the most statistically impressive QBs in league history and is on pace to outdo Drew Brees’ equally outrageous career numbers.

To be fair, Tampa Bay is an actual body of water, so the team is, in fact, named for a specific place.  If you’ve watched their defense for the last decade or so, you might even think they were playing underwater from how slowly they move, so it’s even appropriate.

I’m fairly sure it was sometime during their Super Bowl season, but I wish someone had made a .gif of Cam running in for a touchdown from the goal line and he runs up to an end zone camera and starts dancing. All the blockers who made that TD possible are patiently standing behind him, a lineman holding the ball out, w…

That kid? You guessed it - Will Grier.

I’ve put more effort into catching a Reese’s peanut butter cup when my husband threw one at me.

Does anyone else remember a commercial that used to run on NFL Network featuring Cam Newton and a bratty white kid? Cam was explaining the value of sixty minutes of exercise a day (I think) and at one point the kid says something like “I’m going to make Panther fans forget about you”.

The Panthers are the most McMansiony of all the newer NFL teams. There’s a flashy surface value to them that covers up cheap drywall, a leaky roof, and faulty plumbing that always need fixing every couple years. They have the personality of a subdivision called Gridiron Grotto where there’s an artificial lake that is…

I’m not a Panthers fan, but I did once work at CMU, whose business school is named after Tepper. That august institution is home to a statue of a guy literally chiseling himself from a rock, just some straight up Randian shit. I guess what I’m saying is fuck David Tepper.

*Marianne Williamson promises to publicly audit all four sports leagues*

“Luke Kuechly shouldn’t be on a football field anymore but he’ll play until he’s 37 anyway and die when he’s 52.”

Never forget:

The city of Charlotte is the collective love child of a White Claw Hard Seltzer and a vape pen