Who the fuck didn’t clear their weapon for a demonstration? Or did they think using live rounds during one was a good idea?

I’m Brenda Leigh Johnson and I’m here from major crimes to investigate WHY ARE SPORTS SO BORIN’???*

I feel the same way about women’s volleyball, so I hear yah. Although I do think it’s funny how women somehow need bikini’s bottoms, and men are just fine with long shorts.

Other than both looking smarmy, I don’t see it. Unless you were being sarcastic, in which case, sorry for my lack of sarcasm detector.

Trump’s posture looks like someone’s giving him a wedgie.

Are you okay? Do you need anything? I’ve done that before and it hurts. Haven't had Fritos since.

I almost choked on a potato chip when I got to that part.

Tanning ruins us all.

“People were amazed at how insightful I was”: not something an actually insightful person would say.

Dude looks... leathery. *shudder*

Trumpster fire.

I’m so glad we don’t have cable. I don’t want to even be tempted into hate-watching this dumpster fire.

“It Was Never Not the 90's. (subtitle) A Tale of Ohio”

On the upside when one of those bitches tried to physically pull me out of a (Mcdonalds!) drive through window my small stature and the relative height of the window meant she couldn’t tip me over enough to get me out the window. It did not help her that I was…

If it makes you feel better, I would 100% read your memoir/novel.

Girl, this is the third article I’ve read since I woke up a half hour ago. Me and the bottle of Smirnoff were awake until 5 AM, and boy did we celebrate with friends!

This was perfect. You're perfect.

“Are you talking about me or Hillary Clinton, pumpkin?” I asked. “I’m sad because my vaginal elasticity is completely shot. I’m sad because fucking is like hitting a baseball into the Grand Canyon.”

I'm seeing, much to my shocked incredulity, that people do not see how fucking brilliant this is.

This is fucking amazing. Jesus.