When I was a college freshmen I had strongly held belief that I could eat 100 peeps, then I ate 50 peeps in the failed attempt. I may have only reached the 50% mark, but at least I got to regurgitate 2 tennis-ball-sized lumps of solid, undigested marshmallow that evening.

A well and fully labeled workbook will go far with your co-workers, but maybe not your boss.

The Flint water department isn’t a private company. I don’t disagree with you otherwise, but this is a story about un-elected government officials messing up.

Detroit water isn’t shitty, it’s just expensive. No one is saying that it’s shitty. The department shut off a bunch of customers for unpaid bills last year. So the department is shitty, but the water is fine.

My life has been magical ever since I stopped watching The Walking Dead after this season’s premier. I don’t give a shit about your power struggle or what this world has turned you in to, because it turned you into a boring asshole.

Buy some treasury bills/bonds/notes at least! Your lack of concern about inflation worries me.

No list, no presents. I’m attempting that this year, but from the opposite side!

Eugene for president.

tl;dr Just be Ben Wyatt

I just moved into a new neighborhood and feel like it’s time to upgrade to full-sized bars.

For the tie-shopper on a budget I recommend making a round to all your local thrift stores. At the end of the men’s suits or betters aisle will be a rack with 40 or so of the world’s saddest ties. All but one will be polyester with one human fluid stain in an obvious place. That one, however, is glorious, patterned…

Punt-man right into the honey pot.

They’ve been training for their entire lives for these games, and my guess is that several of them have shit in water before! Still, gross.

Pure gold.

The lady at the hardware store told me to buy two wax rings when you’re replacing a toilet, so you avoid that extra trip to the store when you inevitably mess up the first one. She was right.

My scofflaw friend suffered no repercussions for his brazen Roman candlery. I had a black eye that I wore like a badge of honor for two weeks. The ‘90s were a lawless time.

Boozefruit Salad

My dad’s sole purpose in life was to embarrass his teenage children.

Also, basketball shorts are for basketball. That is all.

I think xpensive epastries would make for a good Gizmodo article!